The Value of Opposition in Reaching Balance

In our search for optimal health and wellbeing, balance is frequently considered a key component. Which lifestyle do you think is more balanced?

– Eating well most of the time, exercising moderately, meditating occasionally, and getting a massage once a month,

OR

– Exercising every day of the week for at least one hour, using willpower to completely avoid all foods that don’t fit into the category of “good for you”, spending 4 hours a day in meditation, and constantly seeking out the latest alternative therapy.

My answer is: it depends. The important question is, what are these activities being balanced with? If you can balance the needs of your body, mind and spirit, then it doesn’t matter how much you are doing. An individual person is a composite of many parts: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.

Balance implies an equal distribution of resources or energy to all the parts.

Another important aspect of balance is our experience of opposition. Brian Luke Seaward, author of Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water: Reflections on Stress and Human Spirituality, suggests that stress is a necessary part of spiritual growth. When we experience stress it is a signal that we are spiritually “out of tune” or distancing ourselves from the Divine. In fact, he defines stress as “an invitation to explore and develop…: the relationship we hold with ourselves; … with God… with others; our personal value system; [and] fulfilling a meaningful purpose in life.”

Can we redefine stress as a useful tool? What if every time we noticed that we were feeling stressed, we used that as a cue to look inward and evaluate our situation? What if every discomfort was an invitation to look inward and listen to the messages from our body, mind and spirit, an opportunity to rebalance ourselves?

If we never experienced pain or sadness or fear, would we be able to appreciate their opposites? “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” (Carl Jung) It is a fact of life that we experience the good and the bad in life. No one escapes this. It may appear to us that some people have managed to get by without pain or loss, but that is an illusion.

Can it be that our perception of negative experiences in our lives can actually be a gift? Kahlil Gibran in his book, The Prophet, said, “I have learned silence from the talkative; tolerance from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.” Gratitude is an extremely powerful feeling. Just allowing ourselves to feel gratitude for the stressors in our lives could dramatically alter our wellbeing. Just think of it, the more stressors you have, the more opportunities to express gratitude and bring yourself into a state of balance.

We are surrounded by natural displays of balance and opposition: day and night, winter and summer, death and rebirth, joy and sorrow. Our bodies work constantly to maintain a state of balance. We need opposition in order to obtain balance. For example, we cannot function well without sleep. Sleep is the opposition to wakefulness that we need in order to be balanced. And we certainly can’t function well with only sleep! Imagine if the weather was always sunny and warm. Could we appreciate it like we do when it comes after a cold winter? Opposition deepens our ability to appreciate the good in our life.

Again in the words of Kahlil Gibran, “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked…. The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

Extending the idea of the benefits of opposition, consider how it serves us in our communities. I’ve listened to some complain about “those darn environmentalists” and “those darn conservatives” and “those darn (enter your favorite group here)”. I think we need all of them and benefit from the need to balance differing needs and opinions. As much as we don’t like the way that other political party thinks, would life in our country really be better with just one point of view guiding government policy? I will not go any farther with this for obvious reasons, but I hope you understand my point.

I challenge you to rethink your ideas about opposition and stress and how they relate to balance in your life. Open yourself to viewing stress as an ally and a helpful learning tool. Each time you notice yourself feeling stressful, express gratitude for that information and pause to think about why you are feeling that way. You may find that you move through it more quickly and easily when you become more self-aware.