Caring for Ourselves during Challenging Times

How are you?

You might answer that with a simple word or two: okay, worried, frustrated, angry, etc. I’d like you to pause, though, and check in with your body. Right now.

Without changing it, notice your breath. Where do you feel it? How is your body moving with the breath? Take a moment to acknowledge that this is how your body is breathing.

Next, notice where your body is. Where is it contacting the chair or the floor or the sofa you’re sitting on? Where are your arms? Legs?

Now that you’re aware of your body, pay attention to it for a minute.

What do you notice? Are there areas that are painful or uncomfortable? If so, acknowledge that area. Maybe even thank that area for giving you this information. In my experience, discomfort is the body’s way of trying to get our attention. Sometimes all it wants is to be acknowledged.

Are there areas that feel especially good? (My stomach is happy with the lunch I just ate.) Take a moment to acknowledge an area of your body that feels good or at least neutral.

If I ask you again, How are you?, what, if anything, is different about your answer now?

I hope you’ve actually done this exercise, not just read through it. There’s a reason I want you to try this out. I’ve been listening to various experts for their advice on how to care for ourselves during this social-distancing situation. Combining their suggestions with what I know from experience about how to manage stress, I’m not surprised to see that it generally comes down to staying present to our body.

Here are my thoughts on some of the best advice I found:

Limit information intake

It’s all too easy to get sucked into the 24-hour news and social media feeds of how terrible this virus is. Too much time spent viewing/listening to this information gets us stuck in our heads and feeds our ruminating brain. Yes, it’s important to be informed but taking in information, especially fear-inducing information, tends to distract us from our body and feed an already anxious mind.

Stay present

Your body is the key to staying present and responding in healthy ways. Look around you; notice the space where you are sitting. Use your eyes to slowly scan your environment. Pause and take note of colors or interesting textures you come across. Bring some curiosity to your exploration. What sounds are you hearing? Take a moment to tune into those sounds. Can you identify all of the sounds and where they’re coming from? Notice any smells or the sensation of a breeze on your skin.

Now, check in with your body again. Has anything changed? What do you notice about your breath or your posture? Again, acknowledge the sensations in your body, thank it for letting you know how it’s doing.

When we are fully present, we can better access our internal resources and we can recognize that, in that moment, we are safe. Anxious thoughts are future oriented and while anxiety has its usefulness (it allows us to look to the future and make plans), it’s not meant to be overwhelming or constant. Take a moment again to notice that in this moment you are safe and let your body take that in.

Find ways to feel a sense of agency

We are swimming in an ocean of uncertainty and lack of control. Talk about bringing up fear! It is important to acknowledge the fear and recognize that fear is not a bad thing. Fear is a healthy emotion that helps us orient to danger and find ways to survive, WHEN we use it properly. Fear fueled by excessive information consumption, fear stuffed down and ignored, fear without an outlet, is not healthy.

What fear wants is to be acknowledged and acted upon. It asks us to pay attention to what’s happening around us, to orient to the perceived danger; it wants to be aware so we can take appropriate action. Right now, it’s difficult to know what action to take beyond social distancing and washing our hands frequently.

Taking action helps us experience a greater sense of agency. Simply doing or creating things can increase our sense of control. It’s no wonder so many people are excited to be sewing face masks. How about house projects or gardening? Any kind of art-making works as well. It’s also a wonderful way to give expression to our emotional state. What can you be creating during this time?

What else can we do when we don’t know how to respond to this threat? Give your body something to do. Allow it to move and feel its strength. Get outside and walk or run. Climb something. Lift weights. We may not be able to literally run away from this virus, but we can let our body feel its power and ability to move away from danger figuratively.

Get outside

Beyond just moving our body, there are so many benefits to getting outside every day! Sunshine, fresh air and, if you can, getting barefoot on the earth (earthing) have many health benefits. I won’t go into all of those benefits now, but you might enjoy this article on how sunshine dramatically decreased death rates during the 1918 flu epidemic: https://medium.com/@ra.hobday/coronavirus-and-the-sun-a-lesson-from-the-1918-influenza-pandemic-509151dc8065.

Maintain your usual routine and rituals

While life around us is feeling out of control, having a regular routine helps us create a sense of control. Get up and dress for the day, prepare regular meals, continue your spiritual practices.

Find ways to connect

Humans are made to survive by being with other humans. In spite of the constant messages around us to take care of ourselves and self-regulate, we do best when we have other (safe) humans to co-regulate with. Obviously, the current situation puts severe limitations on this. If you are home with family members: talk face to face, give each other hugs, cuddle up on the sofa while you watch a fun show, share how you’re feeling with each other.

If you are alone at home, call and talk with friends or family who you feel a good connection with. Better yet, connect with them on Skype or Zoom so you can see each other face-to-face. Visual connection is important. Our nervous system takes cues from other people (Dr. Stephen Porges calls it neuroception) and a friendly face can be very calming. You can also bring a sense of safety into your own system by holding yourself: hug yourself, rub your upper arms, place your fingertips just below your ears and hold your jaw.

Pets can also provide connection!

And finally

I want to acknowledge here that you may find it difficult to do many of these things. Please recognize that we are in the midst of a collective trauma. You may find yourself feeling anxious and stir-crazy or you may be feeling numb and low energy. Whatever reaction you are having is probably normal, given the circumstances and your personal trauma history. Be gentle with yourself and with the people you are sharing space with. We are all doing the best that we can.

If you can find just one thing in this list that you can implement now, great. Give yourself space and time to try it out and see how it feels. If it helps, wonderful; if it doesn’t, maybe try something else. I encourage you to just find a way to take some action that feels right to you.

Of course, if you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope, reach out for appropriate professional support.

We will get through this time best by working together and supporting each other. I’ve seen so many wonderful ways that people are doing this. Humans, as a whole, are amazing and kind. Please reach out if you need support and don’t hesitate to check in on your friends, neighbors and family who may need connection.